FML: embarrassing spam

My rant of the day: How the hell are these spam messages getting so sophisticated?!

So just a little while ago I got a message in my inbox -- work inbox, mind you. It was sent to several people in my company and the subject said, "Re: Facebook message: Beautiful Girl Dancing Extrahard Striptease!"

Since the sender said "Facebook Invitations" and there was an @facebook.com email address, I wondered what the hell was going on. I glanced at the preview window and within the body of the email it says, "Amanda is dancing on Striptease Dance Party, March 14, 2009! We're absolutely shocked!". With a link to a video. And in the video's freezeframe, the image of a girl stripping. Without her face showing.

FML.

Elizabeth Banks is a fraud

So last week an old episode of Craig Ferguson was on. Elizabeth Banks was the guest and since I think she's pretty funny in her movies, I thought I'd give it go. Somewhere along the line, they got onto the subject of funny poop stories. Banks said she had a really good one, but it didn't happen to her; it happened to her friend. Or whatever. The story (my paraphrased version because I'm not going to sit through that interview again just to get it verbatim) below:

So Banks' friend was at a rough point in her life. Her boyfriend had just dumped her, she was feeling pretty low, so [Banks] introduced her to a friend of mine. He's a really nice guy, just the kid of guy that makes you feel good about yourself. They took a liking to each other and hooked up. The following morning, before he had to go to work, he told her what a great time he had, how much he liked her, to take her time getting ready and leaving his place, and to leave him her phone number.

Wait a sec -- this sounds familiar. I think I already know this story...

So the friend gets out of bed feeling great. She's kind of looking around his stuff, having the time of her life. She goes to the bathroom for her morning poop...

Hold on, I definitely know this story. Is she really passing this off as hers?

She goes to flush the toilet, but it doesn't work (Pause for Banks to turn to the audience and nod, "oh yeah!") Instead, she grabs a plastic bag, picks the poop straight out of the toilet, and ties the bag.

I KNOW THIS STORY I KNOW THIS STORY I KNOW THIS STORY! Where is it from?!

She's all dressed and ready to go. Before she leaves, she writes her phone number down and leaves it on the counter for the guy. She walks out of the apartment and just as the door clicks shut, she realizes... She left her baggie of poop on the counter.

FRAUD! YOU FRAUD! How dare you take this old joke / weird UK commercial and pass it off as your own story! Everyone knows the only kind of plagiarism that's acceptable is cheating on a History paper. You can't copy jokes; you can't steal laughter. You can't steal emotions!

I'm sure that reusing old jokes is pretty common on talk shows and such, but to completely copy a joke, citing it nearly word for word and using that as your main bit for your interview is just plain wrong. You pull that crap on the public and you actors are still considering a strike? Gah!

And by the way, I can't, for the life of me, find a video of that damn commercial. Does anyone else know this? Link it to me!

UPDATE: Aileen found the commercial I was talking about!! Here it is, embedded below:

treats

I was staring at the treat bar in Petco today (hey, beats staring through the window of the children's day care) and was amazed at the different kinds of treats they had. Meat flavored. Low fat. Peanut butter. Peanut butter filling. Peanut butter with strawberry creme filling. I bought a couple of the low fat vanilla pretzels for the puppy (since her fat ass is a little overweight already) and because, admittedly... they're pretty good. In case you wanted to know, they really do taste like low fat vanilla. And for the record, the peanut butter with strawberry creme filling tastes like just that.

I know where I'm getting snacks for my next party... (Where else can you buy cookies by the pound?)

2 updates in 1 day? you's lucky!

I feel left out when the cool MySpace kids have their vain photos, courtesy of Apple's Photo Booth. There may not be a shot of me in a sideways baseball cap, pursing my lips and doing a backwards peace sign, but I think this comes pretty close. Whaddaya think?

I think my favorite one is the Jay Leno one. Also, I can't think of a dumber effect than that lame light tunnel one. When, in a light tunnel, does your hair become part of the light? I don't get it.

3rd Rock From the Sun Star to Bare All

Johnston Bares All For PETA Campaign

18 November 2008 5:37 PM, PST

Actress Kristen Johnston is showing off her slimline new look by stripping for a new People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals anti-cruelty ad.

The former 3rd Rock From The Sun star appears nude on horseback in a racy Lady Godiva tribute as part of PETA's bid to put New York City's carriage horses out to pasture.

The ad is aimed at tourists, heading for Central Park for the holidays, who are tempted to take a carriage ride.

Johnston will debut the ad in Central Park on Thursday, and she's not alone in her support for the cause - other celebrities who support PETA's campaign to ban horse-drawn carriages include Pink, Alec Baldwin and Chrissie Hynde...


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Ugh. Who asked for this? I mean, honestly. Who? Next thing you know, Rumer Willis will sign on to do "Striptease 2: In the Buff." Ughhh.

6 random things

So Aileen tagged me! Six random things. Six burning secrets just itching to get out and spread themselves everywhere:

1: I'm really into word games, particularly solo ones. Yes, alone. I'm a nerd. A hermit-nerd hybrid. I play Skribage and on my iPhone, "Word Up!" If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, download it and try to beat my high score of 933!

2: I hate it when things cost money. Yes, that's right. Call it bratty, call me a cheap bastard, but I just don't like paying for things. It's not that I want people to buy them for me instead, I just feel that so many things are overpriced or are priced when they should be free. For example, I shelled out the dough for the iPhone, but I have yet to pay for an app. If you buy a phone that expensive, and you're paying for that monthly data plan, you shouldn't have to pay for extra crap, like those applications. Or music. I don't like having to pay for music. That brings me to number three...

3: I hate it when musicians complain about internet piracy and that crap. Look, if you wanted to guarantee you'd make a crapload of money, why didn't you just be a porn star? Or work hard in school, go to college, and get a real job? And I'm not going to feel sorry for you because you only made like $15 million last year instead of $19m. If the money matters that much to you, do a fuckin Pepsi commercial. Also, struggling musicians would kill for anyone to just listen to their music, let alone pay $15 for their album. Most musicians nowadays wouldn't even be known it if weren't for piracy and MySpace. (Panic! at the Disco, Colbie Caillat, Lily Allen, do I need to list more?)

4: I have a girl crush on Jenny Lewis. I'm listening to a Rilo Kiley album and it's like she looks right into my soul and soothes it.

5: I'm afraid of going to the ATM. Look, I'm barely over five feet tall and pretty much anyone could snap me like a twig -- I'm weak and poorly coordinated. I probably wouldn't even put up a fight. I'd shriek something incoherently, vomit on myself, and give the mugger everything he wanted. If I was a robber and saw a girl like me at the ATM, I'd so mug her stupid ass.

6: I can't stand conceited/obnoxious people. No one can, I know, but I always feel like I have to call them out on it in some way. It's really hard for me to ignore. I'm all for being confident and proud of your achievements, but to an extent... no one gives a shit. Ultimately, the only one who cares about how pretty you are or how big your cock is, is you.


The rules of tagging are:
1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write 6 random things about yourself
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post

Yeah... I don't even think 6 people read this. So it's just CHRIS that's "it"!

AdSense

When is Google AdSense going to update my ads? I can't stand staring at that "housebreaking a Yorkie" ad.

I'm just saying.